When Things Don't Go Your Way...

I don't feel too well right now, not going to lie. I hate how this is the first blog post, but I also hate how this is my first chance I've gotten to write on this blog since we made it about two weeks ago. Why I feel the way I feel now is really hard to explain so I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I might make a blog post later when I truly understand how and why I have this feeling. For now, let's just say that I got some really bad grades and my finals were what really sunk them. I know why the grades were bad even before finals; I have almost no willpower. I want so much, yet will do nothing when it comes to putting in the effort, something I'm working even harder to fix now. These last few weeks made me realize that not everything is going to be handed to me on silver platter anymore and that I'm going to have to work to get good grades unlike before. I studied my butt off and did a lot more than usual to prepare for my finals this year, despite it being my senior year, yet I still didn't reach my achievable goals. I had three borderline grades, and the two worst ones dropped even more. I don't think I would have felt this way if I knew that it was impossible to bring my grades up, but I had hope and worked for it.

Despite everything going on, I'm trying not to let this bring me down. It's the past and I need to let it go because it's not in my hands anymore. Trust me, as someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety for years, I know that this is easier said than done. I can't count the number of days I've thought about breaking my clean streak from self harm, but here I am, a few months away from celebrating my first year clean. I have hope that everything is going to get better and that I'm following my set path. I have control in my life no matter what and this setback isn't going to be my breaking point. Not again.

So if you're like me and are having trouble finding joy during this festive season, take a few steps back and breathe. This isn't going to last forever. You have control over your life, no matter what anyone tells you. And you can make it to the new year. I have faith in us.

Feel free to comment and share what you do when you're feeling depressed or any setbacks you need to get off your chest.

Everything is going to be okay.

-Raven